Parent Talk Today

Just Found Your Cell Phone in the Washing Machine? Maybe This Should Be Your Next Model

Of all the Google searches that have brought readers to Parent Talk Today, the most common, by far, is "cell phone in the washing machine," which continues to bring readers to my post about the day my son's phone was found, soaking wet, at the bottom of the washer. (Nope. Couldn't save it.)

Leaving the phone in a pants pocket and discovering it after hearing the "clank, clank" sound of it bouncing around the dryer seems to be a universal problem. And when you have kids, you know they seldom remember to check their pockets before tossing laundry in the basket.

Etan Horowitz, a reporter and columnist at the Orlando Sentinel, decided to check out a phone that claims to be tough enough to handle both water and quite a bit of abuse. It's the G'zOne Boulder, a new phone from Verizon Wireless ($130 with a two-year contract).

Horowitz seemed to have a pretty good time dropping the phone into water (it rang, when he called it, while it was underwater), dropping it onto concrete from seven feet up and then running it through the washer and dryer. He even dropped it into the (ugh) toilet, fished it out and dried it off. (The things dedicated journalists will do for a story!) Read his article here.

Saying No to Kids in a Yes Culture

A terrific writing buddy of mine, Kathy Seal, has an article in Scouting magazine this month that I think is a must-read. (And hey, I'm quoted in it. Bonus!)

Here's an excerpt from "Saying No to Children in a Yes Culture":

One day Jen Singer’s sons, 11-year-old Nicholas and 9-year-old Christopher, started fighting in the car on the way to their piano lessons. The boys, both Cub Scouts, knew their Mom would buy them pizza before the lesson only if they got along. So Singer pulled her car to the side of the road, turned off the motor, and told them, “No pizza today, guys.”

“But Mom, but Mom!” the boys cried.

“Sorry boys, that’s it,” she told them. “When you can stop fighting, I’ll start driving again.”

“You have to say no now and then,” Singer explains, “or they’ll grow up thinking everything will go their way. But it won’t.” 

Seal goes on to note that psychologist David Walsh says if parents can learn to say “no” at appropriate times, they’ll teach their children how to delay gratification, a key skill for success in school and in life.

Check out this excellent article. And let us know, in comments, how you handle saying no with your kids.

Subscribe to Parent Talk Today with RSS: It's Easy!

Bless the good folks over at SimpleMom.net. They have written the most easy-to-understand info I've ever seen on subscribing to blogs: "Subscribing to Blogs 101: The Why, the How & the Where."

Several of my subscribers have e-mailed recently to say they are having trouble getting the Feedblitz update for Parent Talk Today via e-mail. I'm not not sure what's going on with Feedblitz, but I can definitely recommend subscribing in a reader, instead. Just click on the orange button in the left sidebar to get started. (After you do that, just unsubscribe to the e-mails at the bottom of any Feedblitz e-mail.)

I subscribe to SimpleMom and I love it. Their great tips and beautiful photos (such as this one, by Tony Triolo, which they used to illustrate the post) bring me back often. Be sure to check them out. (That photo, by the way, reminds me of Taos, New Mexico, one of my favorite places.)

And make sure you scroll all the way down through their post on subscribing, because there's a terrific video there that explains subscribing to RSS feeds and using a reader. It's simple, really.

OK, folks — when I start getting notified that a bunch of you are dropping my feed on Feedblitz, I won't be offended. I'll know you jumped on the RSS bandwagon!

10 Ways to Prevent Summer Brain Drain

Kids vegging out in front of the tube too much this summer? Head on over to Montana Parent's terrific website and check out my new article, "10 Ways to Prevent Brain Drain," for expert tips on keeping your kids' brains engaged during these lazy days. (They'll have so much fun, they won't even realize their synapses are popping, I promise.) Here's a sample:

• Learn cool science tricks with the Surfing Scientist. At www.abc.net.au/science/surfingscientist/tricks.htm, Australian physics instructor (and surfer) Ruben Meerman shows kids how to amaze their friends by lifting a marble off a table by touching it only with a glass, making an ice cube necklace, turning an empty soft drink can into a twirling ballerina and much more. (Younger kids will need assistance.)

 • Have fun with grocery-store math. Visit http://printables4kids.com/grocery-cart-math to turn a trip to the grocery store into a fun learning experience. Before you head to the store, ask the kids to use the printable worksheet to estimate prices for items on your list. Once there, have your kids check out the actual price for each item. Then get those math skills working as they calculate the difference between the estimated price and the real price. (And talk about a great way to teach kids the importance of family budgeting. With the price of groceries these days, you’d think Lucky Charms would come with a real pot of gold!)

• Take younger kids to the post office. Talk with your child about “snail mail” and how it’s different from e-mail. Tell her about the Pony Express (visit the Pony Express National Museum website at www.ponyexpress.org) and the different ways mail is delivered today — by plane, train, boat, etc., suggests Don Schilling, editor of The Stamp Collecting Round Up (www.stampcollectingroundup.blogspot.com). “Let your child pick out some stamps she thinks are interesting. When you get home, write a letter together and use one of the stamps your child selected,” Schilling adds. Talk with your child about starting a stamp collection.

Want more? Click here.

Parents Need Naps, Too!

The Boston Glob ran a terrific article recently on "How to Nap." My first thought, when I saw it, was "Come on. Who doesn't know how to nap?" But as I learned, there's a lot to know.

Are you a lark or an owl? When you go to bed and get up determines your optimal time for napping. The length of your nap determines whether you awake refreshed or groggy. (So set a timer.) And be sure to check out the great tips for "the perfect siesta," including suggestions for how to quiet your mind, calm your body and create the right environment for snoozing.

Whether you're at the "nap while the baby naps" stage (Forget the laundry and dishes!) or you're the slightly stressed mother of teens, a nap will do you a world of good.

Now I just need to stop blogging for 20 minutes and go take my own advice...

Setting Healthy Limits

In today’s world, it’s easy for parents to feel competitive and to think they need to parent their children the way “everybody’s doing it,” says family therapist and educator Michael Gurian, author of Nurture The Nature: Understanding and Supporting Your Child’s Unique Core Personality (Jossey-Bass; 2007; $24.95).

But it’s important to understand your child as an individual and to set healthy limits that work for your family, he says. I asked Gurian’s advice on some of today’s common parenting challenges.

Q:    My 3-year-old daughter screams if I don’t buy her candy at the grocery store. How can I get her to stop?

A:    We need to recognize that kids want limits. Before you enter the store, let your child know whether she will be allowed to choose a treat. If it’s a “no-treat day,” and she starts to scream, pick her up, take her to the car and sit with her for a minute or two until she calms down. Then go back to the store. If she starts screaming again, repeat the trip to the car. When we are consistent with how we respond, our children quickly learn that we mean what we say. This helps them learn self-control and feel secure.

Q:     My 5-year-old son hits me when he’s mad. What should I do?

A:    Starting at a young age, children can be taught to understand a simple family rule: “We do not hit animate objects.” That includes pets as well as people. But we all get angry, and it’s OK to express that anger appropriately. Boys, especially, may feel physical and may not be as able to verbalize their feelings as well as girls can at a young age. So they need an outlet. Encourage kids to express their anger by hitting a pillow, whacking the back of the couch with a foam-filled Bataca bat or going outside and shooting hoops. Often it’s easier for them to calmly discuss their feelings after having that physical release.

Q:    Sibling rivalry between my pre-teen daughters is driving me crazy. What can I do?

A:    Of course, we need to draw the line at dangerous or truly hurtful behavior. But often it’s best to let kids work this out on their own. (And it’s OK to tell them to leave the room when they drive you nuts!) Sibling rivalry helps kids learn to deal with the world. It teaches them about themselves and it helps them learn to work with others and solve problems — all skills that will help them later in life.

Q:    My 9-year-old son would play video games day and night if I let him. Where should I draw the line?

A:    Boys’ brains are wired to love competition and to be attracted to objects moving through space. Video games excite the reward center in the brain so much that kids may be unmotivated to do other tasks. It’s up to us to set limits, and the appropriate amount of time depends on the child. How is he functioning in the world? Does he play outside? Does he do well in school? Does he have friends? We need to make sure our kids are developing their bodies and brains in a balanced way.

Gas Prices Got You Down? Vacation at Home

Wondering how high airline ticket prices will go as you're planning that family vacation? Thinking that a driving trip will break the bank?

There's another option. Check out my article, "Vacationing at Home," over at littlerockfamily.com. You'll find lots of tips for making family memories right in your own backyard. (And I promise, this doesn't involve mom doing any dishes! I mean, there are limits, right?)

Of course, vacationing at home still means VACATIONING. I highly recommend going out for yummy breakfasts at every opportunity... And for the price of a tank of gas these days, you can buy a lot of banana pancakes with whipped cream!

Jessica Alba's Pregnancy Style

The folks over at SporkFashion.com scored a fun interview recently. They talked with Jessica Alba about how pregnancy changed her style.  Check out the interview here.

I have to admit that, looking at her, I don't feel all that stylish when I think back to my own maternity clothes. But I love how she talks about taking her skinny jeans (and these are skinny jeans; scroll down on the Spork blog page to see them) and turning them into maternity jeans. She also takes a mini dress and wears it as a top.

While we non-celebrity moms may not be wearing all the latest designer-label ($$$) maternity clothes, we can steal some great tips from this mom-to-be who always looks fabulous. (And I love that Alba mentions that her shoes no longer fit! Boy, can we all relate to that or what?)

Are You Taking The Bait?

Today we're featuring a terrific guest post from family therapist Corey Allan, Ph.D. who blogs over at The Simple Marriage Project. Corey and his wife, who celebrated their 15th anniversary this month, have a 3-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son. (And a cool dog named Otis — see below.) Thanks for sharing this with us, Corey!

Spend any time with a parent, and you are bound to hear tales of his or her children's escapades. Stories about when they said the most inappropriate thing at the most inopportune time, when they continue to test the boundaries and rules, or when they've thrown a tantrum at Target. It's enough to drive almost anyone crazy. Take comfort in knowing that you're not alone.

Parents worldwide have gone through or are currently in the midst of the storm as well. Take advantage of the times when you can swap stories with other parents in the trenches. It can be hilarious, enlightening — and you may walk away from the conversation thankful for your children's "tame" behavior.

Have you ever stopped to contemplate your role in your child's behaviors? Could it be that they feed off you? I believe the answer is yes.

Applying this thought to parenting is the way to begin to gain control over your child's behaviors. And the most effective way to do this is to get a better handle on your own emotional reactivity.

Let me explain. You come in after a long day and your child is in a bad mood due to a run-in he had with his teacher at school. You are already predisposed to reacting badly to any negative behaviors due to your tough day, and your child decides this is the best time to inform you that he did not do any of the chores you assigned him for the week. He even goes so far as to add a few colorful descriptions to his replies.

Do you take the bait and jump all over his disrespectful attitude? If you do, you've allowed him to change the topic of conversation, which was his incomplete chores. It's easy to react when our buttons get pushed, but it is also the way they kids the subject. And they only get more expert at this skill as they grow older.

When it comes to arguments with another person, especially children and teenagers, the rule is this: Whoever controls the mood and the direction of the argument will win the argument.

My belief is that if, as a parent, you get into an argument with your child, they've already won. While they may not have changed the responsibility or the consequence, the fact that you had to argue about it keeps the "power" in their court. They controlled you by pushing your emotional buttons. When our emotions get the best of us in conversations, most people either over-react or shut down completely — leaving a possible wake of damage behind.

To take charge of your child's behaviors, learn to react less emotionally to their instigations. It will change the dynamic between you and leave them wondering what to do next. After you have learned to react less, you are then more capable of creating an appropriate consequence for the behavior.

As a parent, you're not raising puppies. You don't have to catch your child in the act. Take some time to contemplate an appropriate consequence. Confer with your spouse. Search the Internet. Then get back with your child and calmly inform them of the consequences of their actions.

Do this consistently and over time, you will be in charge of the playing field in which your children reside. There will also be far less damage repair needed after the emotional upheavals.

Incidentally, the principles of being less emotionally reactive work with spouses as well.

You Can Recycle THAT?

It's easy to think of the usual suspects when it comes to teaching your kids about recycling: newspapers, bottles, cans.

But how about also recycling tennis shoes, computers, packing peanuts, cell phones, toothbrushes, motor oil, formal dresses, eyeglasses... Whew! The possibilities are exciting.   

Visit Forecast Earth to learn more and check out their terrific article, "10 Things to Recycle That You Never Thought You Could."