Parent Talk Today

10 Things Every Teen Should Know

Vanessa Van Patten is a friend every teen should have. And, strangely enough, she's also a friend every parent of a teen should have. How in the world this talented writer balances both roles is beyond me, but she does it brilliantly over at her blog, Teens Today With Vanessa Van Petten.

Today's post, 10 Things Every Teen Should Know, is one I'm going to save for my 12-year-old son. And it's something I want to share with my readers. What a great checklist of stuff teens should know before they leave home!

It's so easy to get caught up in things like grades and SAT scores that it's easy to forget that a kid should be able to make a pot of spaghetti, use a checkbook and do a load of laundry (without turning his underwear pink) before heading off to college.

Van Petten's blog is loaded with good stuff — and it's addictive. Plan to spend some time there!

7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child

Yes, I'll admit it: I'm monolingual. Took Spanish in high school, but that was a looong time ago. And now that my son is taking Spanish in middle school, I'm not much help, I'm afraid.

That's why I was so intrigued by a new book, 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child, by Naomi Steiner, M.D. with Susan Hayes. Steiner is a developmental-behavior pediatrician who works with bilingual families at Tufts Medical Center in Boston, and Hayes is a writer and editor whose work has appeared in Parent & Child, Parenting, Woman's Day and other publications.

There are so many potential advantages for our kids if they know a second language:

°    It's a huge advantage in competing for and succeeding in jobs in our ever-shrinking world.

°    It provides a more complex understanding of other countries and cultures.

°    It makes travel to other countries easier and more enriching.

There is evidence that learning a second language early in life offers advantages for brain development, too:

°    More cognitive firepower is devoted to language.

°    The child is better able to deal with distractions.

°    Learning a second language makes it easier to learn a third language.

°    Knowing more than one language helps improve the memory and leads to more creative use of language.

Really, there's no downside to raising a bilingual child. But where do you start, especially if you speak only one language yourself?

This book answers every question I could think of — and then some. You'll learn about common myths about bilingualism, how to define your language goals for your child, how to decide which parent will speak which language to a child in a bilingual home, making the most of family and community resources, reading and writing in a second language and much more.

If you're even thinking about raising your child to speak more than one language, you'll want to check out this book. For more information, click here.

Ciao!

How Do We Motivate Kids to Learn?

Today I'm happy to share with you this guest post from Michael Gorsline, M.A. He's a parenting coach and a child and family therapist who enjoys helping families make life more rewarding.

He blogs about his approach and strategies at his site, Awareness * Connection, and for the GTDtimes. Michael's post is in response to my post yesterday, "Should We Pay Our Kids to Learn?"

Kids are ALREADY motivated to learn. It is part of how human beings are wired. Even chimps will solve puzzles for the challenge without any reward.

The reason we are tempted to pay students to learn (which the research is clear is counterproductive) is that we don't go to the trouble to find ways to show them how the learning we propose is pertinent in practical ways for their lives.

Doing so takes more work, more skill, and more thought on the part of both the teacher and the school system. As school curriculum is arrived at via political processes, and these processes are complex and bureaucratic in nature, it is not too surprising that we end up with simplistic solutions, like testing the cr** out of kids to "raise standards," and coming up with sweeping programs with clever names designed to look like they are doing something, and which are mandated while not funded.

The programs are analogous to the Department of Homeland Security taking your fingernail clippers away to make you feel safer. It doesn't address the actual problem, but it supposed to look like it does.

I don't know of any easy answers. I only know from my training and experience in both education and psychology that the authors (see yesterday's post) are talking about research that is very well established, and that is important. I also know that for instruction to be effective you need:

1) To SHOW kids and discuss with them how the learning in question will be practically useful to them.

2) Curriculum that is actually practically useful (there is no help for irrelevant curriculum).

3) A good relationship with the teacher. You can't just "deliver" instruction without a relational context. Kids will work harder for someone that really knows them, and that has a bit of time to relate to them as a person rather than as a curriculum-swallowing automaton. Having some time to address how the child actually learns best is also important.

4) Some choice for kids re how, and what, they learn. They don't like being told exactly what and how to learn any more than you want your boss to micro-manage how your deliver a certain result. In other words, provide parameters and let them make some choices between those.

Class sizes, size of school and whether you pay a decent enough wage to attract bright, creative people into teaching are among many other important variables.

Should We Pay Our Kids to Learn?

I have to share with you a terrific article in today's Los Angeles Times, by Wendy Grolnick and Kathy Seal, authors of Pressured Parents, Stressed-out Kids: Dealing With Competition While Raising a Successful Child:

As the new school year begins, some kids will be leaving class with more than just books and homework assignments. They could also be getting money.

Programs that pay kids to learn are expanding rapidly across the country. In New York City, the school system gives fourth- and seventh-graders in 59 schools $5 to $50 for taking standardized tests. In Tucson, some students get $100 a month if they show up at school every day and maintain at least a C-minus average. Another New York City program that offers up to $1,000 for passing Advanced Placement tests has paid out nearly $1 million to 1,161 students. A Texas program also pays for top AP scores, and similar initiatives are being rolled out in six more states. And beginning this fall, 14 middle schools in Washington will pay 3,000 students for attending class, arriving promptly, turning in homework, getting high grades and using good manners.

While that might sound good to some parents who are looking for ways to motivate their kids, dozens of research studies advise parents and educators to just say no, according to Grolnick and Seal. Read the entire story here. Good food for thought.

Helicopter Parents Can Find Online School Info a Bit Too Tempting

I have to share with you a terrific article on MemphisParent.com: "Cutting The Cord," by Sherri McDonald:

Two weeks into sixth grade, Ally arrived home from school on a Friday to find her mom energetically clicking away on the computer. A bulging Hobby Lobby bag sat on the desk, beside a stack of colorful online printouts.

Pausing, Danelle greeted her daughter and gestured with a flourish:  “We’re nearly all set,” she beamed. “I have everything we need for the history project Mrs. Crawford posted online today on her assignments page. I know how much you love ancient Egypt, so I thought that’d be fun to do. Getting an ‘A’ on this is important; we want to start out stronger than last year. We’ll get started after you’ve had your snack...”

Yikes! When I read that I just wanted to say, "Mom, step away from the glue gun. Very slowly."

So many schools now use the Web to post assignments and grades, and that's great. But the sites can be used for good or evil. Check out the article for tips on handling the parental anxiety that can lead to finding yourself covered in sugar cubes at 3 a.m., assembling your fourth grader's California missions project. Good stuff here.

Artwork credit: Memphis Parent

Preparing for Middle School

In her "Parenting Tweens" column over at about.com, Jennifer O'Donnell has written a must-read piece on preparing your child for middle school.

Having just launched my own son into middle school last fall, I can tell you this is an article I wish I'd read a year ago. Lots of great tips and items to discuss before for the first day of school. Check it out here.

Hey Kids, Let's Have a Poetry Jam!

What’s the secret for firing up grade-school kids and making them eager to read and write poetry? Just ask Jill Corcoran, an award-winning poet and mother of three who runs art-music-poetry workshops at elementary schools in Southern California.

“The workshops have been amazing,” says Corcoran. “The kids go from looking at me like I am a space alien, to slowly participating in the workshop, to boldly sharing ideas, to creating poetry with confidence and pride. It’s a fantastic, dizzying writing session that culminates in a coffeehouse-like poetry jam.”

Here are Corcoran’s tips for creating a one-hour workshop that teachers (or parent volunteers) can do in their own classrooms:

Jill Corcoran’s Art-Music-Poetry-Jam Workshop

Suggested grades: 2 – 5
Time required: 1 hour
Supplies needed: Boom box with selected music, 11” x 17” white paper, crayons, pencils, Post-it notes, scotch tape

1. Briefly discuss the power of art, music and poetry to evoke emotion.

2. Give each student an 11” x 17” piece of white paper and crayons.

3. Have students listen to music for several minutes and then draw whatever the music makes them feel.

4. Give each student a pad of Post-it notes and a pencil and have the students form a line to walk around the room and look at each picture.

5.  At each picture, the students write the first word that comes to their minds on the sticky paper. They leave that word with the picture. Instruct the students not to write words like “cool” or “fun,” but to write nouns, verbs or strong adjectives.

6.  The students then return to their pictures to find 20+ words written by their fellow students.

7.  With their words and pictures in front of them, and the music playing once again, students create a poem from the words they have been given. (Once their poems are finished, have each student tape their Post-it-notes poem to the back of their picture. Otherwise the notes tend fall off.)

8.  Ask the students to read their poems aloud. At the end of the hour, each student has created a poem that reflects the music they encountered, the art this music evoked from them and the words their art evoked in others.

So Your Kid Was Rejected By Her #1 College Pick? Have Her Read This

Today I'm happy to welcome Rob Gilbert, Ph.D., professor of sport psychology at Montclair State University in Montclair, New Jersey, as a guest blogger. I love his perspective on college life, and I plan to save this post to share with my own son when he gets a bit closer to college age.

Dr. Gilbert is the author of How to Have Fun Without Failing Out: 430 Tips from a College Professor. And his blog offers great motivational tips for students. (Yes, he's a busy guy!) Thanks for joining us today, Dr. Gilbert!

REJECTED? I CAN HELP!

You got the dreaded thin letter and found that the college you desperately wanted doesn’t want you.

Of course, you’re devastated—look at all the time, effort, and money you and your parents put into the whole college application process with guidance counselors, private college consultants, tutors, test-prep courses, college visits, interviews, essays, SATs, etc.

It’s not true that all your hopes and dreams are now destroyed. Your future is not over. Once I saw a poster that read, “It’s not the end of the road; it’s just a bend in the road!”

I’m not going to give you some Pollyanna-type pep talk and tell you not to worry. What I’m going to tell you is that wallowing in your misery is not the answer. You must regroup and refocus — starting right now!

Maybe I can help. I speak from over 40 years of experience. I’ve been on a college campus since 1964 — first as a student, then as a staff member, and for the last 29 years as a professor at Montclair State University.

However there’s one big mystery about college I’ve never been able to solve.

Why are students putting so much time, effort, and energy into finding their so-called “right” college, and so little time, effort, and energy into figuring out what their personal passion is once they’re in college? I see students devoting more time to determining where they’re going to spend the next four or five years of their college lives rather than concentrating on how they’re going to spend the next 40 to 50 years of their professional lives — in their careers.

And here’s a warning if you did get into the college of your dreams: Be careful of the “Yale Syndrome.”  Donald Archer, an expert in higher education and the author of “Cool Colleges,” reports that some students are so obsessively focused on receiving the “fat envelope” that getting admitted becomes an end in itself. Remember: Gaining admissions is not the end of the adventure — it’s the beginning!

The late psychiatrist and radio talk-show host Dr. David Viscott once said, “The purpose of life is to discover your gifts. The meaning of life comes from giving your gifts away.”The purpose of college is to find your gifts, to find your passion, to find your life’s work.

Right now stop regretting why you didn’t get into that school that was “perfect” for you and start refocusing on the future. Whatever college or university you’ll be attending in September, you can have a spectacular, life-changing experience there. There’s mounting research that shows that your future success is not determined by the college you attend.

However, no professor, advisor, or classmate is going to show you how to follow the yellow brick road to your passion. Sure, you’ll receive a lot of help, but it’s primarily a do-it-yourself job.

Where you attend college is not nearly as important as what you’re going to do once you get there. Here’s some advice for when you arrive on campus in September that’ll help you find your passion:

#1. Find out who the most passionate professors on campus are and enroll in their courses —regardless of what they teach or when the classes meet. I joke with my students that most of them probably would not take Religion 101 if it met at 8:00 a.m. even if it were taught by Professor J. Christ!

#2. The noted mythologist Joseph Campbell said, “Follow your bliss.” What are the subjects or activities that you find endlessly interesting? What are the things you like to do that energize you? Be a detective. Listen to your heart. Find what you love.

#3. Professor Joseph Renzuli from the University of Connecticut advises students to carefully examine what they loved to do as a child because this might give some insight into what they might really want to do for a career. Did you know that when they were kids, Sesame Street’s Jim Henson loved to play with puppets and Walt Disney loved to draw?

Of all the things you can discover in college, the most important is your passion.

Look at it this way: College is a fountain of knowledge. Some students come to drink. More come to sip. But most come just to gargle. Make sure you take a big gulp!

Zoned Out

As a mom who endured six years (egads!) of driving through our elementary school's drop-off zone before my son headed to middle school this year, I can attest to the fact that the parent volunteers there work tirelessly, day after day, politely encouraging parents to keep the zone moving and working hard to keep kids from being whacked at the kneecaps by their parents’ vehicles.

Dexter Ford's wonderful article, "Zone Master," appears in today's Easy Reader magazine, published  in the Los Angeles area. [Gotta love the cover art (left), too.] I have to share a taste of it with you, to entice you to check out the rest:

Every school morning at 8, give or take, you can find me standing, like a grizzly bear in cargo shorts, at the hilltop cul-de-sac where 13th Street meets John Street. Expensive cars, pickup trucks, minivans and SUVs, dozens of SUVs, climb like caterpillars up 13th Street, waiting their turn for me to open their doors, yank backpacks, science projects and cellos out onto the curb, and shepherd their giggling spawn into the schoolyard, hopefully without sustaining blunt-force trauma.

That last part is more of a challenge than you might think. If you have kids, and you enjoy scaring yourself, you should come up to The Zone some morning and watch...

To read the entire article, click here.

You'll Poke Your Eye Out!

The next time your kids complain about having to wear eye protection during sports, show them this:

More than 40,000 people a year suffer eye injuries while playing sports, according to Prevent Blindness America.

For all age groups, sports-related eye injuries occur most frequently in baseball, basketball and racquet sports.

The good news: Almost all of these eye injuries can be prevented by taking the following steps:

    ° Wear proper safety goggles (lensed polycarbonate protectors) for racquet sports or basketball.

    ° Use batting helmets with polycarbonate face shields for youth baseball.

    ° Use helmets and face shields approved by the U.S. Amateur Hockey Association when playing hockey.

    ° Know that regular glasses don't provide enough protection.

Of course, if the entire team wears the proper equipment, that goes a long way toward making protective gear cool. So talk with your child's coaches about this important safety issue.