Parent Talk Today

A Blog for Parents of Troubled Teens

A friend just told me about the Troubled Teen Blog, and I'm impressed.

If you are dealing with struggling-teen issues — whether searching for answers or seeking comfort from other parents in similar situations — this blog may be of help to you and your family.

It discusses residential drug treatment, sexuality, teen stress, teen pregnancy, runaway teens, self-destructive behavior and a lot more. Is it easy reading? No. But it's a great source of information, compassion and support for families who are dealing with one or more of these issues, some of which affect very young teens and even tweens.

Enjoy a Family Staycation with Tweens

I love Jennifer O'Donnell's blog for parents of tweens over at Tweenparenting.about.com. She tackles everything from chores for tweens to how time on the Internet is affecting family time to how to make the most of summer.

A recent favorite is Jennifer's post on family staycations with tweens. Having just done that with our 13-year-old (who was very recently a tween!), I know we had fun going to local museums, movies, a planetarium, a minor-league ball game and to a local farmer's market that had every kind of food imaginable. (Matt's choice = chocolate crepes with whipped cream. Hey, it's a vacation!)

Jennifer takes the concept one step further, proposing a spa day at home, backyard camping, hosting a slushy party and even learning fun new skills. Check out her suggestions here, then plan your own family staycation and make the most of your time together this summer

After all, as the mother of a 13 year old, I know: They won't stay tweens for long.

Sexy Avatars Can Lead to Trouble for Teen Girls

Heads up, parents of teen girls.

A new study shows that girls who would depict themselves online in a provocative way, and girls with a history of child abuse, are more likely to receive online sexual advances — and then meet those individuals offline.

Researchers at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center studied girls between ages 14 and 17. Each was asked to create an avatar — an electronic image to represent herself — and to then complete a questionnaire regarding her computer and Internet usage, sexual attitudes and other factors.

Forty percent of the 173 girls in the study reported experiencing online sexual advances, and 26 percent reported meeting someone in person whom they first met online. Those who had depicted themselves as provocative in terms of body and clothing choices were more likely to have had online sexual advances.

Do you know how your daughter is presenting herself online? Have you talked with her about sexual predators who look for teen girls online?

Idle Time Can Land Kids in Hot Water This Summer

With the summer school break upon us, now is the time for parents to consider how they can keep their tween or teen safe and out of hot water amid the glut of seasonal down time.

In addition to health and safety concerns, “there are many unforeseen legal pitfalls parents should be aware of,” says San Diego, California attorney Jeff Isaac.

While specific laws and policies vary from state to state, these are some things to keep in mind over the summer, says Isaac:

1. Curfew:  Many parents have no idea about the laws relating to curfew, which vary from city to city, says Isaac.  Generally, 10 p.m. is the most common curfew time, but there are exceptions. Breaking curfew can result in legal consequences. (And don't even get me started on safety concerns here.)

2. Graffiti and Vandalism: Those who mark up community walls and buildings with graffiti are breaking the law. Kids may find themselves financially liable and may face criminal penalties. Parents also are often found financially liable when their kids damage or destroy the property of others, sometimes to the tune of thousands of dollars.

3. Underage Drinking: There are a litany of legal offenses associated with minors and alcohol or drugs, which range from misdemeanors to felonies. This in addition to the threats to the child’s health, safety and well-being.

4. Tobacco Use: Most retail outlets check the identification of anyone seemingly under the age of 18 who is attempting to purchase tobacco products. Misdemeanor charges could apply if a minor uses a false ID to make such a transaction.

Bottom line: In addition to talking with your tween or teen about health and safety issues this summer, discuss legal consequences as well.

Does Your Daughter Compare Herself With Celebrities?

I keep hearing about tween and teen girls who think they have to buy the latest clothes (which may not fit the family budget), slap on lots of makeup, agonize in front of the mirror every morning and do everything in their power to look as good as the models and celebrities they see in magazines.

They constantly strive to live up to an image that is just that: an image. Wouldn't we ALL like to have a team of hair stylists, makeup artists and photographers with flattering lighting at our disposal?

Fact is, many celebrities, when you take away all that stuff, look very much like average people. While I won't link to those awful "celebrities without makeup" sites (where they go out of their way to find and photograph celebrities on their worst days), I do think a fair comparison is a healthy thing.

On the left is Kelly Clarkson, certainly an attractive young woman, in an "after" photo.  The hair and makeup folks have done their thing, and a professional photographer has made her look even better.

On the right, here's Kelly with no makeup. Still an attractive young woman. But this photo lets us see that, without all the glitz, glam and Photoshopping that make up a magazine cover shot, people don't looks like magazine covers!

It's important that we talk with our daughters about body image, self esteem and what's REAL in life — as opposed to what they see on the newsstand, on TV, etc. that has been created to sell, sell, sell.

Where Are Our Kids Getting Prescription Drugs?

At home. With friends. At a grandparent's house. At the store. At school... Kids can find prescription drugs in more places than you can imagine. Check out this terrific interactive tour, Rx Danger Zones, sponsored by The National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign.

It's a good reminder to parents to keep a close eye on their prescription meds — and on their kids.

Of course, you may feel you know what's going on in your own home, but you don't know what's available to your child at a friend's house. That's why it's so important to talk with your kids about the dangers of prescription drugs — and the temptation to go with the crowd when it comes to peer pressure.

We have to keep talking. We have to keep paying attention. Man, nobody ever said this parenting thing was easy, huh?

"Animal House" an Exaggeration? Not So Much

As the mom of a son who will be in college in less than six years, I read with great interest a terrific personal essay by Dartmouth College student Owen B. Jennings in The New York Times today. As a parent, I found it pretty frightening.

"My liver failed two springs ago, when I was a senior in high school," says Jennings. "I don’t know the cause of my liver disease — a genetic mutation, an environmental trigger or just plain bad luck. But one of the many rules of my long recovery has been no alcohol. Not one drink. Not even a sip."

He goes on to describe what college life is like for a student who doesn't drink. I like how Jennings is able to stand back and take a clear-eyed look at the massive amount of drinking going on on college campuses today.

I'm going to ask my 13-year-old son to read this essay so we can talk about it. It's so easy for parents to put their head in the sand about heavy drinking in college (and high school).

In my community, stories circulate about massive drinking parties — with no parents to be seen — that are broken up only when neighbors call the police because kids are driving recklessly down the street, screaming obscenities at each other (often in some warped spirit of drunken fun), and puking in the front yard.

In college, of course, kids are away from parents completely, and we have to rely on them to make good decisions. Obviously, many are making decisions, sometimes nightly, that can either lead to long-term health problems or to tragedy, in the form of alcohol poisoning or car accidents.

Certainly a good number of STDs and unplanned pregnancies are the result of this level of drinking. And the resulting Facebook photos, which can be copied, shared and found on the Web by potential employers years into the future, can be a sad reminder of some pretty stupid decisions.

Jennings says it best: "I’m not talking about the casual sipping of a few beers. Here, alcohol consumption means the rapid and repeated gulping and guzzling of beer after beer after beer. Often, students will drink upwards of 15 or 20 beers. On any given night, a frat brother or a sorority sister will spend hours vomiting. Sometimes a classmate will wind up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. And often, these people wake up unable to remember anything that happened the night before."

These are our kids. Their futures — and possibly their lives — are at stake here. Talk with them about the heavy drinking that's going on. Share Jennings' essay with them. We need to keep our heads out of the sand. This isn't a "kids will be kids" situation. This is life and death.

"But Doc, I Really Need Some Weed For the Pain In My Foot..."

Thirteen states have legalized the medical use of marijuana with a doctor’s approval, a development that has led to the rapid growth of cannabis dispensaries from coast to coast.

But one drug-treatment center in Southern California is finding that the recipients of medical marijuana cards aren't just elderly people with terminal illnesses, but young people who are faking back pain and other ailments in an effort to legally obtain the drug.

“Young people are finding they can easily trick doctors into giving them medical marijuana cards by claiming they are suffering from back pain and other ailments whose existence is difficult to prove,” says Jerrod Menz, president of A Better Tomorrow Treatment Center Inc., a Murrieta, Calif.-based drug and alcohol rehabilitation center.

The clinic recently had one client who obtained a medical marijuana card by telling his doctor he was suffering from foot pain. He laughed and said his doctor gave him the prescription after a five-minute examination.

Menz says doctors need to use more care in their examinations of young people who come into their offices with complaints of persistent pain to better prevent people from abusing the intent of medical marijuana laws. Parents, too, need to be aware of this situation.

Thirteen states have legalized the medical use of marijuana, including Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington. Additional states are considering laws that would legalize marijuana for medical treatment.

Got a Teen? Don't Take the Bait!

This morning on the way to school, my seventh grader and I heard a silly commercial on the radio. I commented that it must be running at the same time every day because we had heard the exact same commercial while sitting at the same stop light the day before.

Just making conversation, right?

My son suddenly must have realized that he hadn't fulfilled his "if mom says the sky is blue I must insist it's green" quota for the day. So he came up with: "It wasn't exactly the same commercial as the one that ran yesterday."

Then he looked at me expectantly...

For the record? Yes, friends, it was EXACTLY the same commercial. But to my credit, I did something I don't often manage to do: I didn't take the bait. I just sort of shrugged as if to say "Oh well. You may be right. Who knows?"

Drove him nuts. Who was this mom who failed to engage in a debate over... nothing? After a couple more attempts resulted in less that his desired results, we moved on to another topic.

Success! I was not the catch of the day.

To make it an even better day, a friend just sent me this poster. I'm tempted to print it out and hang it in the kitchen. But then I'd be the one doing the baiting, right?

OK, I'll resist. At least I can share it with you — my fellow fish in the parenting-teens ocean.

Have you been baited by your teen lately? How did you handle it? Today I was on my game. But tomorrow? I may need all the tips I can get!

How Does This Social Media Stuff Work, Anyway?

Are you on Twitter? Facebook? Chances are, if your kids are hitting the teen years, they're there. Or they want to be.

What's the best way to know what they're up to? Get involved with social media yourself. It's not that difficult — and it's a lot of fun. More and more parents are sharing tips via social media. Many parenting magazines now have Facebook pages, and the parenting community is "tweeting" like mad these days!

I wrote an article, for the April issue of the American Society of Journalists and Authors newsletter, about how writers can use social media to advance their careers. But the article is really helpful for anyone who wants to get started with social media. Check it out here. You can download the PDF at no charge. The article is on page 10.

I'd love to hear how you're using Twitter, Facebook or other social media to connect with other parents. Please leave a comment!

P.S. Of course, when I'm sitting her tweeting away and chatting with my parent buddies on Facebook, I look JUST like this model! ;)