Archive for the ‘You Can (Really!) Survive Your Teen’ Category

Teenagers and Prescription Drugs

Tuesday, March 16th, 2010
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My son’s middle school sent this info to parents, and I thought it was worth sharing.

The drug situation in our schools is different than it was when we were teenagers. Prescriptions drugs play a larger role in kid’s lives today, and we need to be vigilant about keeping an eye on our kids (do you stay up and greet your child when he comes home from a night out?) and on our medicine cabinets.

With thanks to our school, which I won’t name, here’s the info parents of teens need to know:

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What Do Your Kids Do When You’re Not Looking?

Monday, March 8th, 2010

We try to teach our kids to make good choices (even when we’re not around). We teach them the “family rules” — whatever those may be for our particular family.

Are we getting through? Some days, we wonder. And we know that our kids know that they won’t always be found out if they don’t follow the rules. (Got any doubts on that one? Remember when YOU were a teenager?)

That’s what makes this story even more heartwarming. Joy Bat’s daughter is now grown, but this Lake Forest, California mom still beamed when she shared this with me:

“Shawny was not yet 13 when the movie ‘Titanic’ came out,” says Bat. “Her dad and I had asked that she not see the movie, since it was full of sexual content and was rated PG-13.” There was a girl’s sleepover with her church youth group, and Bat was assured there would be no PG-13 movies shown.

“But Shawny called me from the home of the sleepover and said they were about to watch ‘Titanic,’ and she wanted me to talk to the mom,” says Bat. “Shawny had spoken up and requested that she be allowed to do another activity in a separate room while the movie played! She really wanted to see the movie, but she had taken the high road and been assertive. The girls ended up choosing another movie, and I was so proud of my daughter.”

Show This to Your Teenagers

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Last night, musician Jake Walden was nearly killed by a drunk driver whose car jumped the curb just feet from him. Still obviously a bit shaken by the whole experience, Jake sat down to create a simple YouTube video where he talked about the experience.

Please watch this. Then show it to your kids. Drunk driving isn’t a joke. Talk to your kids — today. (And even more important: Set a good example for them with your own choices.)

Are Teens Getting Tired of Social Media?

Monday, January 4th, 2010
Mark Zuckerberg, founder and CEO of Facebook

Facing a time crunch with homework, tests and other real-world activities, some teens are just saying no to Facebook and other social-media temptations, according to a recent New York Times article.

Some are going so far as to ask a friend to change their Facebook password to help them avoid the siren song of social media.

According to the article, Facebook will not reveal how many users have deactivated service, but Kimberly Young, a psychologist who is the director of the Center for Internet Addiction Recovery in Bradford, Pa., said she had spoken with dozens of teenagers trying to break the Facebook habit.

“It’s like any other addiction,” Young says. “It’s hard to wean yourself.”

Are your kids cutting back on social-media use? How about yourself? Is it time for a reality check regarding how much of our lives we’re willing to devote to the social-media beast?

Happy 14th Birthday, Matt!

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009

Wow. Given that I can remember so many details of the trip to the hospital, labor and delivery, coming home from the hospital on Christmas Day, 1995… How can it be that my son, Matt, is 14 today?

Happy birthday, Matt. I love that you are such a wonderful young man with a good head on your shoulders and a love for God, your family and your friends. Dad and I are so proud of you and of the man you are becoming!

And just know that, no matter how much taller than me you are, you will always be my baby. (And yes, I know that you’ll have your driver’s permit in just 18 months. Yikes!)

Blog Love: Please Stop The Rollercoaster!

Monday, November 16th, 2009

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I love what Sue Blaney — author, communications expert and parent of two kids in college — is doing over on her blog for parents of teens: Please Stop the Rollercoaster!

As she says, “parenting teenagers is an exciting ride, full of twists and turns that make parents wonder what’s coming next. Teens’ behavior at home can be very different than their behavior at school, confusing parents and leaving them in the dark.”

Parents of teens are too often isolated, unaware that their experiences mirror those of most other parents, and that support may only be as far away as your nearest neighbor, says Blaney. She helps us all learn together. (I wish she lived down the street, frankly!)

I love Blaney’s voice of experience, her practical advice and her ability to make me feel that I’m not alone in raising a teenager. If you’re the parent of a teen, check out this terrific blog.

5-Year-Old Girls Don’t Need to Be Discussing Sex on a Talk Show

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

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Readers, I owe you an apology. What was I thinking? Earlier today, I posted about a request I received from a national talk-show producer. The producer was looking for moms and girls ages 5 to 14 to come on the show to talk about “when parents should talk with their kids about sex.” I agreed to write a post encouraging moms to contact the show.

While the producer explained that the younger girls wouldn’t be exposed to the more mature parts of the conversation (and I believe her), the more I thought about it, I just can’t see any good that can come from involving young children in such a program in the first place, no matter how much they are shielded.

So I removed the post.

Moral of the story: If I do something and then it sort of gnaws at my gut afterward, it’s probably not the right thing to do… (Duh.) Happily this mistake was easy to fix.

I just hit “delete.”

“You’re Making Me Go to Bed WHEN?!”

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Rubens_Two_Sleeping_Children

My 13-year-old son REALLY dislikes the National Sleep Foundation. He’s sorry I ever heard of them. Wishes I’d lose the bookmark for their website. Just can’t stand these guys.

Why? Because I use their sleep guidelines to help determine what Matt’s bedtime should be. And he is convinced that he goes to bed earlier than any 8th grader in America. I won’t give you the exact time to protect his privacy. He’d be mortified if you knew, I’m sure. (If you have a middle-school kid, I’d love to know what his or her bedtime is. Just leave a note in the comments.)

But you know what? He does well in school, doesn’t get sick all that often, doesn’t fall asleep over his homework at night, has energy for sports… Sleep: It’s not just for wimps, kiddo.

How much sleep do kids need? Check out these guidelines from the National Sleep Foundation.

Better Sleep Council spokesperson Lissa Coffey offers the following tips to help parents ensure a good night’s sleep for their children.

1.   Set a Regular Bedtime For Your Child — and Stick to It. The Obama daughters have an 8:30 pm bedtime, she says. This is an ideal time to tuck children in, especially when kids need to be up early for school.

2.    Don’t Over-Schedule Your Child. Too many activities and commitments can keep children from getting enough sleep.

3.   Develop a Sleep Ritual That Will Help Your Child Unwind Before Bed. Allow your child at least one hour before bedtime to relax and unwind.  Try relaxing activities, like taking a bath or reading with your child, to help him or her transition into sleep mode.  This is also a special time to share with your child. Avoid loud music and television prior to bedtime.

4.   Keep Computers and Television out of the Bedroom. The bedroom should be used for sleep only. Watching television or going online can be tempting for children once you’ve tucked them in and left the room.  Also, be sure radio and MP3 ear pods are out of their ears when you say goodnight!

And if your kids complain about their bedtime? Just blame that darned old National Sleep Foundation.

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Guest Post: Letting Go

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

Letting Go I'm so happy to share with you a wonderful essay by writer Liz Seegert. If your child is in preschool right now, don't be too fast to discount this piece and say "oh, that's years away for our family." Yesterday (I swear), my son was in kindergarten. Today he started 8th grade. As they say, "the days are long, but the years are short." Thanks, Liz, for sharing this piece. And I love the pic of you and your tall son!

From
the day they’re born you know it’s going to happen. The first “me do it.” The
first time they walk, a little unbalanced, without holding your hand, grinning
broadly. That first day of kindergarten. That was hard. Learning to ride that
two-wheeler and the freedom that comes with leaving the block. The first
sleepover at his best friend’s house.

Then middle school, and high school. The first date. The
driver’s license and taking the keys to go out alone that first time. The first
time he’s forced to make hard choices – about friends, studying, activities,
his social life.

With
each first, you hold your breath, and say a silent prayer that all of the
things you have tried to instill in him, the values, knowing right from wrong,
has penetrated and is somewhere in the back of his mind. Each time stumbles or
falls, you stifle the urge to jump in and fix it. He has to pick himself up and
live with the consequences of his actions. Maybe he “forgot” to do his
homework. Maybe he stayed out past curfew and didn’t call. Maybe he was at a
party where someone snuck in some beer.

At
some point, you can’t even ground him any more. When did he become a head
taller? And when is he going to stop eating everything in the fridge before
it’s barely unpacked from the store? He’s applying to colleges hundreds of
miles away – the further the better, he hints. But, but… the mom of the little
boy in you protests. I’m not ready. “Well I am,” he counters.

Deep down, I know he’s right. We go through the unending
paperwork that is the college application process together and I dutifully pay
the fees, secretly hoping the schools closest to home accept him.

The
letters begin arriving. Didn’t make one of his top choices, but did make the
other. Wait listed. Another acceptance, another rejection. Several more visits
to campuses for accepted students days. He makes his decision, and you’re OK
with it. Not too far, but far enough. He’s happy. You’re not sure how you feel.

Graduation
day. Everyone in caps and gowns. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings
– all taking and posing for pictures. The “last” summer. The “last” get
together with high school buddies. Another step to letting go. Shopping for the
dorm. More shopping. He’s a boy. Does he care if his sheets and comforter
match? You do. So you spend the extra money for the good set.

You
want this summer to last forever. No, it flew by way too fast. Moving day.
Loading the car is like solving a jigsaw puzzle. Turn the box this way. Try
putting that sideways. Finally ready to go. He gives his room a final once over
and we head north on I-95. We’re there. Carry the stuff up three flights.

Finally unpacking. “Mom, you don’t have to make my bed,” he
tells me. “Yes I do.” I do. I need to know he’s starting off with everything in
its place. Time to leave, and he walks us to the car. “I’ll call soon,” he
promises. A long, hard hug. And another. I struggle to hold back tears. The
first of many goodbyes.

He’s
on his own. He knows we’ll be there to lend a hand, dust him off, and set him
back on his feet if he falls but only if he wants us to. I still hold my breath
sometimes, but not as often. His first attempt at being an adult. I couldn’t
wait to get that first phone call. “I love it here,” he said. “I’m so happy I
chose this school.”

His
first major life decision.  I am
looking forward to many more good “firsts.”

           

Texting While Driving: Your Feedback

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

Texting on a keyboard phone

Wow. Yesterday's post, which showed a fairly shocking new PSA on teen texting while driving, has created a bit of a splash, with people discussing it on Facebook and Twitter. Many said they were going to show the video to their teens. One woman promised to send it to her texting-crazed sister.

But one woman commented, in a very thoughtful message, that she thought the video was far too graphic for her teens. She said she didn't allow her teens to see R-rated movies and she thought there were better ways to get the point across than to show them a video that was potentially nightmare-causing.

I appreciated her thoughtful comment, and it made me think. I do believe you have to know your individual kid to know how to handle these
decisions. (And boy, they
don't seem to get easier!)

I think a lot of kids hear Mom or Dad
talking about driving safety (or being a safe passenger) and it sounds
like the adults in a Peanuts cartoon: "Wah wah, wah wah wah…" They
see themselves as being talented multitaskers — and Mom and Dad as being
hopelessly out of touch.

For some, it might take the shock of
seeing exactly what can happen in a moment of inattention to really
grab them by the collar and say "PAY ATTENTION!"

So
funny. Yesterday I was complaining about Matt saying I'm the mom who
won't let him see R-rated movies at 13. And today I made sure he saw
this shocking, violent PSA video. I guess I don't put them in the same category.

But I respect this mom's opinion. I think we all know best how to reach our own kids.

What do you think? Is it too graphic to show to your teen? Or is it just the wake-up call some kids need?

P.S. Check out this October 2008 post, "Put Down the Cell Phone: Save a Life — Important Advice for Parents & Teens" on Geneseevalleyparent.com. The post was written by a high school intern at the magazine, Stephanie DeCross. From the post: "…We could reflect on and learn from recent tragedies like the one in
Fairport where texting may have caused a terrible accident which cost
five graduating seniors their lives. Reports noted that moments before
the crash a cell phone was used from within the vehicle to send and
receive messages. The young women involved were in the wrong place at
the wrong time… and possibly preoccupied by this fatal distraction. They
were not, as we are not, invincible."