Last night, musician Jake Walden was nearly killed by a drunk driver whose car jumped the curb just feet from him. Still obviously a bit shaken by the whole experience, Jake sat down to create a simple YouTube video where he talked about the experience.
Please watch this. Then show it to your kids. Drunk driving isn’t a joke. Talk to your kids — today. (And even more important: Set a good example for them with your own choices.)
Thanks to Charlotte Reznick, PhD for sharing a timely and helpful guest post today. Reznick is the author of the L.A. Times bestseller The Power of Your Child’s Imagination: How to Transform Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success (Perigee/Penguin, 2009). She’s a child educational psychologist and an Associate Clinical Professor of Psychology at UCLA.
The emotional effects of a large-scale crisis or disaster, such as earthquakes, riots, and terrorist events, on children can be tremendous. One of the difficulties experienced by parents is that they have not had adequate time to deal with their own reactions when they are called upon to deal with the impact of the disaster or crisis on their child.
Emotional reactions vary in nature and severity from child to child. Children’s reactions to a disaster are determined by their age, previous experiences, temperament and personality, and the immediacy of the disaster to their own lives. Parents need to be aware that children feel especially helpless when they see horrific images on TV, such as homeless, injured, or orphaned Haitian children following the earthquake. Kids also absorb worry and sadness from their parents, or from classmates who have family ties in Haiti.
Here are some tips for parents to help kids comprehend and deal with such a catastrophe:
I’m happy to introduce a new guest writer for Parent Talk Today, Amy Wallen. This piece originally ran in The Faster Times and is used with permission. Amy is the bestselling author of MoonPies and Movie Stars and is a frequent contributing book critic for the Los Angeles Times and other national magazines. She is also the founder and comedic host of the popular reading series DimeStories, 3-minute stories…
With families taking so many different forms these days, what we call each other does indeed matter. But that doesn’t make it an easy thing to sort through. I think Amy says it well — and with a light touch. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
Take it away, Amy…
“I sleep with Adam Lambert’s dad,” I have been told by a special someone, is a tacky way to introduce myself. But I have run out of explanations, and that seems to be the most succinct description, and well, one that shuts everyone up. But I’m not ready to shut up about it. I do sleep with Adam’s dad. I live with Adam’s dad, but apparently there isn’t a word for what I am. I’m not Adam’s stepmom, nor is he my stepson (stepstar?) because I’m not married to his dad. But I’m having sex with his dad, and I’m paying a mortgage with his dad. But, I’m not a wife. So what am I? What do I call the relationships in this non-traditional household of rockstars, sinners and one fellow who before the 2009 season thought American Idol was a game show?
It was somewhere between the first few horrific audition weeks of scathing remarks from Simon and the last week when one of the American Idol directors grabbed my arm and pulled me out of a camera view of a “family shot” with the explanation, “Amy, I leave my conscience at home for this job,” that I introduced myself with my tacky quip to the mother of contestant Megan Joy. I was standing with Adam’s dad and mom, Eber and Leila. For weeks all of Middle America (who apparently not only believe everything Sarah Palin tells them, but also believe that reality TV is reality and not staged at all) had blogged about Eber and Leila. What a close family they seemed to be, the bloggers said, wasn’t it wonderful that they had stayed married after all these years? (more…)
I’m so excited to share this terrific guest post from Irene S. Levine, Ph.D., author of the just-released Best Friends Forever — Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend. Dr. Levine appeared recently on the Today Show to talk about women’s friendships.
On The Friendship Blog, she explores the nature, meaning and depth of female friendships. In reading this Q&A guest post, I felt a bit like I was back in junior high. Does any of this sound familiar? (more…)
I’m so jazzed to welcome Judy Molland as a guest blogger today. She’s the author of Get Out! 150 Easy Ways for Kids and Grown-Ups to Get Into Nature and Build a Greener Future and Straight Talk About Schools Today. Take it away, Judy!
One of my pet peeves is witnessing bad parenting. A couple of weeks ago, on a beautiful fall day, I was hiking down Lembert Dome in Yosemite National Park with my husband. Actually, it wasn’t just beautiful, it was perfect: bright blue sky, just a few clouds, gorgeous orange and russet leaves on the trees, a crisp chill in the air.
Welcome, Jen Singer, who is guest posting today!
Jen is the creator of MommaSaid.net and the author of
If you’re just coming out of the exhausting, filled-with-major-milestones toddler years, you may wonder what lies ahead. Preschoolers are like tiny teens in light-up sneakers: increasingly independent and yet in dire need of your supervision and guidance as they spend less and less time with you. A few tips:
1. Their milestones are far more nebulous. Your toddler hit the Grand Slams of Milestones: walking, talking, potty training. But your preschooler’s milestones are a little less concrete. As you parent your three-to-five-year-old, you’ll come to learn about fine and gross motor skills, socialization and kindergarten readiness, among others. They’re a wishy-washy bunch of milestones, but you can learn to deal with them as your child gets ready for preschool and beyond.
What to do.
a. Teach him to put on his own coat.
b. Teach her how to share with playdates, playgroups and have lots of patience.
c. Teach her how to sit still (or at least more still than usual) with floor time and bedtime reading.
2. Discipline becomes more difficult as your preschooler becomes more verbal.
You’ve decided that your preschooler should wear her pink dress on the first day of school, but she has different plans – and she tells you so. Before you know it, you feel like you’re in mediation with a very skilled lawyer who has compiled compelling reasons why her Cinderella Halloween costume would be more suitable garb for the occasion.
What to do: Step up the sophistication of your discipline plan as your three-to-five-year-old gets more and more savvy. Preschoolers have great verbal skills and a frighteningly proficient ability to push your buttons. The Time-Outs that worked for your toddler need to be amped up now. Here’s how:
a. Choose which behaviors are misdemeanors and which are felonies beforehand, so you know what to correct as they come.
b. Be as emotionless as possible when you dole out consequences, because preschoolers love to get your goat.
c. Don’t set up a Time-Out in a fun spot, like the middle of the playroom.
d. A Time-Out should equal one minute for each year of age.
e. Revisit the infraction after the Time-Out ends by talking about it.
f. Stick to your guns. If you skip a Time-Out now, your preschooler will make note of it for later.
3. Preschoolers can be far more independent than we give them credit for.
Your preschooler just got up from the kitchen table, leaving behind his empty plate and cup. You think nothing of it. After all, you’ve been waiting on him since he was born. But now that your child is more dexterous and able to focus better than when he was a toddler, he’s ready to take on more tasks around the house.
What to do: Anybody who actually likes to sing the Barney ‘Clean-Up’ song ought to be put to work. I’m not talking about scrubbing floors while singing songs from ‘Oliver,’ but preschoolers can do a variety of chores – and they may actually enjoy them. Get started by:
a. Making it easy. Stick to simple tasks, like putting toys in the toy box or putting cups in the dishwasher.
b. Giving guidance. Break out tasks with simple steps, such as “Put your doll in the toy box… Good! Now put your socks in the hamper… Good!”
c. Set a deadline. She’ll be more likely to clean her stuff off the coffee table now if you tell her to finish it by the time the egg timer rings.
d. Praise, praise, praise. Who doesn’t want some positive feedback when they help out around the house?
The deal with the "Your Blog is Fabulous" award is that you get to pass it on. Here are the rules:
1. You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous blogs in a post.
2. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.
3. You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.
Instructions:
1. On your post about receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them.
2. When you post your five winners, make sure you link to them as well.
3.
To add the award to your post, simply right-click, save image, then
"add image" in your post as a picture so your winners can save it.
4. Don't forget to let your winners know they won an award from you by emailing them or leaving a comment on their blog.
Here are my addictions and a list of blogs that rock!
My Five Fabulous Addictions:
1. My guys, Randy (hubby) and Matt (our almost teenager — yikes). They keep me busy, happy and feeling loved.
2. Saving memories in fun ways. I love anything to do with taking pictures, video (with my new Flip camera — I'm lovin' the Flip!), scrapbooking, photo cards… you name it. (Send me some cool ideas!)
3. Chocolate. Dark chocolate. Frozen, melted… There is very little you can do to dark chocolate that will keep me from eating it. Want to perk up a batch of brownies? Throw in half a bag of semi sweet chocolate chips. Voila: You're a gourmet baker in the hearts and minds of all who scarf down your treats.
4. The Daily Show. I'm hooked. (Hey, is Jon Stewart adorable — and hysterical — or what?)
5. Girlfriend time. Meeting for breakfast, lunch or coffee. Chick flicks-and-wine evenings. Funny e-mails and chatting. I love my gal pals! Can't imagine going through life without them, and I treasure them more each year.
I pass this award on to my 5 Fabulous Blog Buddies:
1. Maria Bailey and Lynn Armitage at My Teen, The Alien
2. Chris Brogan at Dad-o-Matic
3. Paula Spencer at Momfidence!
5. Fred Goodall at Mocha Dad
4. Leah Ingram at The Lean, Green Family
Of course, there are more faves of mine that I couldn't list here. Just check out my blogroll on the right sidebar and give 'em a visit!
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I'm excited to introduce guest blogger Karen Putz, the author of a terrific blog, A Deaf Mom Shares Her World. This piece was originally published in the Hands and Voices Communicator.
I grew up in a family with five generations of hearing loss. My great-grandmother, grandmother, my mom and all of her siblings were deaf or hard of hearing and none of them knew sign language. All of my siblings have hearing loss as well as my children and one niece.
My mother’s hearing began to decline in her twenties. All of my brothers and sisters were born hearing and one by one, we each lost our hearing. My oldest sister was three years old when she fell, hit her head and instantly became profoundly deaf. My parents sent her off to live with my aunt and she attended Central Institute for the Deaf, an oral school.
My brother Dennis was 36 years old when a wooden beam fell on him at work and he woke up in the hospital two days later with a severe hearing loss. My sister Jeanie began to lose hearing in her 20’s and just last summer, she slipped on a rug and became profoundly deaf. My brother Kenny has just recently began to wear hearing aids for a mild loss.
I came along 10 years after the last sibling was born. When I was five, I was diagnosed with a moderate to severe hearing loss. I muddled along in school, receiving a hearing aid in 4th grade and speech therapy. Because I “functioned” so well and was able to keep up my grades, I was pretty much lost in the system. Teachers lavished praise on the “girl with the hearing loss.” My loneliness was often overlooked.
My life stayed this way all through my school years. I made friends with a select few who could look beyond my hearing loss. In high school, I met another girl, Shawn, who also wore hearing aids and we became fast friends. We each shared the horror of dealing with group situations and the anxiety that came with it. We learned to adapt so well that some of our friends had no clue that we wore hearing aids. Of course, we missed out on the punch lines of many jokes while laughing along with the others.
When I began attending classes at the local community college, I started to fear that I had no future ahead of me. I had interviewed for several jobs, but no one had the courage to hire me or deal with my inability to use the phone. I took one job as a dishwasher at a local restaurant and earned money mostly by babysitting. The future began to look pretty bleak. The few guys that I dated weren’t good marriage prospects. I began to wonder just where I was headed.
On a whim, I decided to transfer to a college that had a program for deaf and hard-of-hearing persons. My mother reluctantly supported my decision. She was afraid to see her last baby go off to the great unknown. How in the world would I cope at a university when I could barely get by at the community college?
Just before going off to college, I was water skiing on my bare feet and I turned to cross the wake. I fell hard, and for the next few days, I kept feeling like I had water in my ear. I had become profoundly deaf.
Going off to college turned out to be a blessing. At first, it was quite a culture shock. I was living on a co-ed floor with people who signed so fast that it was intimidating. Little by little, I was transformed. Slowly, I was introduced to a Deaf life to the point it felt like “coming home.” I was in a world where hearing didn’t matter. It was a world where, if I missed the punch line of a joke, someone would kindly sign it over again until I could join in the laughter. Of course, occasionally I encountered: “Sorry, train gone!”
My mother and siblings began to see a new person blossom in front of them. I introduced them to a TTY, and a new, accessible world began to open for them. My mom admitted that she wished she had known more about sign language while we were growing up so that we could have had access to interpreters.
When my oldest son became deaf, my mom began to ask how to sign certain things. It made me smile to see my 70-year old mom signing to my kids. One of her favorite signs was the sign for “I love you,” which is made with the thumb, forefinger and pinky finger extended and the two middle fingers bent downward.
Every time we got into the van to leave to go home, Mom would flash her “I love you” sign. There was only one problem though…
Mom would occasionally forget and leave the thumb bent inward, which turned the sign into “B.S.”
It is quite a picture to see Mom flashing her “B.S.” sign when we are pulling out of the driveway. It always puts a smile on my face.
It’s no B.S., Mom. I love you too!
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I'm excited to be invited to share a guest post over at The Simple Marriage Project today. This blog offers so many inspirational ideas for making marriage better — and a lot more fun.
I haven't yet tried the "21-Day Complaint-Free Marriage Experiment," because, really now, how long would I last? I'm guessing I'd catch myself in a whine of some sort by mid-afternoon on day one.
But maybe that's the point of the experiment: To make myself more mindful of my attitudes and my words. If I give it a shot, I'll let you know. And if you try the experiment yourself, let us know over here how it's going.
And please drop by and check out my guest post, too! Thanks, Corey, for the kind invitation.
Today we’re featuring a terrific guest post from family therapist Corey Allan, Ph.D. who blogs over at The Simple Marriage Project. Corey and his wife, who celebrated their 15th anniversary this month, have a 3-year-old daughter and a 1-year-old son. (And a cool dog named Otis — see below.) Thanks for sharing this with us, Corey!
Spend any time with a parent, and you are bound to hear tales of his or her children’s escapades. Stories about when they said the most inappropriate thing at the most inopportune time, when they continue to test the boundaries and rules, or when they’ve thrown a tantrum at Target. It’s enough to drive almost anyone crazy. Take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone.
Parents worldwide have gone through or are currently in the midst of the storm as well. Take advantage of the times when you can swap stories with other parents in the trenches. It can be hilarious, enlightening — and you may walk away from the conversation thankful for your children’s "tame" behavior.
Have you ever stopped to contemplate your role in your child’s behaviors? Could it be that they feed off you? I believe the answer is yes.
Applying this thought to parenting is the way to begin to gain control over your child’s behaviors. And the most effective way to do this is to get a better handle on your own emotional reactivity.
Let me explain. You come in after a long day and your child is in a bad mood due to a run-in he had with his teacher at school. You are already predisposed to reacting badly to any negative behaviors due to your tough day, and your child decides this is the best time to inform you that he did not do any of the chores you assigned him for the week. He even goes so far as to add a few colorful descriptions to his replies.
Do you take the bait and jump all over his disrespectful attitude? If you do, you’ve allowed him to change the topic of conversation, which was his incomplete chores. It’s easy to react when our buttons get pushed, but it is also the way they kids the subject. And they only get more expert at this skill as they grow older.
When it comes to arguments with another person, especially children and teenagers, the rule is this: Whoever controls the mood and the direction of the argument will win the argument.
My belief is that if, as a parent, you get into an argument with your child, they’ve already won. While they may not have changed the responsibility or the consequence, the fact that you had to argue about it keeps the "power" in their court. They controlled you by pushing your emotional buttons. When our emotions get the best of us in conversations, most people either over-react or shut down completely — leaving a possible wake of damage behind.
To take charge of your child’s behaviors, learn to react less emotionally to their instigations. It will change the dynamic between you and leave them wondering what to do next. After you have learned to react less, you are then more capable of creating an appropriate consequence for the behavior.
As a parent, you’re not raising puppies. You don’t have to catch your child in the act. Take some time to contemplate an appropriate consequence. Confer with your spouse. Search the Internet. Then get back with your child and calmly inform them of the consequences of their actions.
Do this consistently and over time, you will be in charge of the playing field in which your children reside. There will also be far less damage repair needed after the emotional upheavals.
Incidentally, the principles of being less emotionally reactive work with spouses as well.
