Can We Be Frank?
Do you ever have the feeling that, between driving your kids to all their "enrichment" activities (ballet, baseball, karate — you name it) volunteering at school, working, doing laundry, arranging play dates, etc., etc., etc. that you're doing the right thing by your kids, but that your own life is somehow slipping away?
I've had that feeling lately, and it's a tough thing to admit, because we're all afraid of sounding selfish. Right?
Sure, we signed on to do all this, and much more, when we became parents. And we doing it willingly (OK, most of the time) and with love. But while you're watching your kids grow, experiment, learn and spread their wings, do you feel that your own life might be dying on the vine just a bit?
We're not doing our kids any favors if we end up exhausted and resentful.
When's the last time you had a mom's night out and just yucked it up with your girlfriends? Took yourself to a movie YOU wanted to see? (Harry Potter and Transformers don't count!) When's the last time you signed up for an improv class, jumped off the high dive, got in the car and had an adventure of your own instead of just heading to soccer camp for pick-up time?
Some days I look at my schedule, and between work and family commitments I have just about enough spare time to walk the dog. That's not healthy. So I'm making a different kind of commitment: to saying "no" to that next volunteer opportunity or to-do list item (anybody want to call the fencing company about our rusting one-year-old metal gate?) and saying "yes" to doing something that makes me feel more alive.
My son will still get where he needs to go. My work deadlines will be met. We'll still get dinner on the table. And no one will leave the house naked. But I will carve out more time for me. For my health, friendships and dreams. Funny thing is… That will also make me a better mom.
Care to join me?
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Tags: burn-out, harrypotter, Kids and Teens, motherhood, Parenting, Transformers
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Sounds like a GREAT idea to me, I’m in!!
OK, Lisa, I’m gonna start listing some of the things I do for myself. Stop by here and do the same! I’ll look forward to hearing back from you.
Kathy, I just wrote about this on http://www.thehappiestmom.com. you’re so right that we have to MAKE the time. Nobody is going to clear our schedule for us, you know?
Great minds think alike! I’ll ck out your post. Thx!
Hi Kathy,
I feel the same way as a long-time childcare provider. The families are leaving sporadically for their summer vacations and I am still here. I feel like a better provider when I have a break from a house full of kiddos and not on overload or burned out. But it always seems like as a mother and having many parents that count on me, I will think, “Well, maybe later, I will find time for myself.” Thanks for reminding us that it’s not selfish to think about ourselves.
JoAnne, you have more need for a break than just about any of us! Being with children all day is a joy, but also tiring. You need to take that time — guild-free! Let us know what you end up doing for yourself this summer.
Kathy,
you are so right on as usual.
When I made a promise to myself a few years ago to be nice to ME, not only was I happier but my son & husband reaped the benefits too.
Whether it’s a girl’s night out, like dinner and a chick flick, or time alone to curl up with a soppy romance novel, or soak in the tub, it’s all about state of mind. If YOU feel better about your life, and if you’re getting what you need to recharge your batteries, it is only going to benefit everyone!
My new promise to myself is to sign up for a Yoga class – I’ll let you know how that works out.
Liz, just reading your comment reinforces my belief that we all need this.
OK, I haven’t showered yet today. And it’s, uh, 3:40 p.m. Time to go practice what I preach!